Speak your mind and you will be damned

I've always been the kind of person who keeps it all to herself. All the thoughts, emotions and opinions are locked up inside my head. People always tell me to speak  up and not keep everything bottled up inside me. I still do keep it all to myself but when I do speak up [sometimes I write it all down just to release the tension], I only say a few words but they sure as hell will hurt those who will hear them. I'm not really good at saying what I feel. Sometimes they get all mixed up in my head and I think it sounds better in my head before blurting it out. What's funny is that when I speak up, the timing is pretty bad. Its like when  I do speak up, the words I said were the most awful combination of words you ever heard. It's like those words I uttered were from an evil person's mouth.

I honestly don't get it, they tell me to speak my mind but when I do, well, I'll be damned. Please do know that when I do speak up, what I said were words that should been out a long time ago. I just am so fed up with all the bullshit I'm hearing and seeing for a very long time that I can't keep it all to myself anymore. You tell me that if I don't have anything nice to say then I'd rather just shut up. Well, I've had my mouth shut for a very long time, and I believe its about time for me to speak up. I don't really care about how others react to what I said, I only speak about my opinions on the things I see/experience.

I don't think I'm selfish for not caring about how others might feel about what I say or my actions. I believe in the rule of life that you should care for yourself first before you think about others. The ugly truth in reality is that every man is indeed for himself. Damn me to hell for speaking up what I think I don't really care. I don't think its a selfish thought, its an advice. Rather than be stressed out living a life that does not comply to what you want to achieve or what you want to live then get out of it. Do something to change it, maybe its not you that's what keeping your dreams from happening, maybe its the people you're with at the moment, so might as well leave, change your environment. If things are not making you happy then just leave.

Some people might not give you a standing ovation for your decision but to hell with them, you did that for yourself not for others. People around you will always have something to say whether it'll be good or bad, it doesn't matter. Those who really care for you will understand, and those who don't, well, just let them speak their unnecessary opinions. Just always remember that you made that decision for your own sake. For once, try to think about yourself first and not others. It's good to be selfish at times especially with making decisions that you know would make you happy and would help you in the long run.