I can't seem to focus on anything. A lot of things stresses me, sa sobrang dami hindi ko alam kung alin at ano ang iniisip ko. As much as I hate to I just can't seem to find a reason for me to stop myself, I did something I haven't been doing for the past 7 months.
A lot my of my friends find it weird and highly inclined to sheer stupidity when they see scars on my left wrist. Especially freshly cut wounds. My family is aware of this, in fact everyone close to me knows about my "condition". I even believe that my family have been hiding cutters and sharp stuff that could cut away from me. What they don't know is that i have my own trusted cutter...well, I thought I did. I have my own secret hiding place for my trusted blade. Now I can't seem to find it. Argh,
Plan B. Find a cutter, Like I've said, I my family seems to be keeping those sharp cutters and blades from me. So all I got is this very dull and rusty blade. Ngrr. And even if how many times I cut my wrist I don't get the same bloody effect that I wanted. If I don't fucking see blood dripping from the cuts that I did, everything that I did is just put to waste. I still can't focus on the stuff I needed to do, so I'm still stuck here in that chaotic worthless place in my head. Now all I have is that bumpy mini cuts. Ugh. Disgusting.
Memo to me: Buy a new one and keep it hidden.
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